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We put your questions on sex and epilepsy to a publicity expert, Dr. Love can be the best medicine for a couple investigative with epilepsy. Conceptualising things in this way turns out to add quite a lot of or to how we think about arousal. Conceptualising things in this way turns out to add under a lot of nuance to how we think about arousal. Conceptualising things in this way parks out to add quite a lot of nuance to how we thank about arousal. Making love with a partner involves emotional intimacy which can be renamed by both partners sharing their concerns, as well as their affection with each other.

Who can I talk to about sex and epilepsy? Discussing sexual side-effects can feel embarrassing, but most doctors should be able to deal with them appropriately. As more and more drugs become available for epilepsy, as well as other diseases, quality of life issues are becoming significant factors in medication choices. When should I tell someone new that I have epilepsy? Potential partners are often scared of the unknown, which leads them to avoid someone with epilepsy. At times people with epilepsy will hide their illness from someone new. It is appropriate to know someone a bit before divulging such private information.

At times this leads to increased anxiety. Partners have fears regarding the myths and realities of what epilepsy actually is.

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Could having sex trigger a seizure? It is rare than sex will trigger a seizure, although it does occasionally happen. An intimate partner needs to be taught how to deal with seizures in general, those with lovemaking would be no different than if it occurred on the tennis court! To be able to communicate with others the meaning of epilepsy, and the sexual needs of patients with epilepsy and their partners is perhaps the greatest challenge. At a minimum, they can at least be acknowledged as valid concerns. Finding a way for partners to talk about sexual needs and concerns can break through the guilt surrounding the avoidance of discussing issues for fear of causing pain, anger or rejection.

Being able to directly talk about sexual difficulties can lead to other solutions. For example, treatments exist for erectile dysfunction; lubricants can help for dry vaginas. Conflict over sexual problems can heighten stress and worsen seizure control, as well as causing emotional pain. Making love with a partner involves emotional intimacy which can be helped by both partners sharing their concerns, as well as their affection with each other. Love can be the best medicine for a couple living with epilepsy. We put your questions on sex and epilepsy to a sexuality expert, Dr. The basic idea is that while some people can get turned on while walking down the street or doing the dishes, for others it's something that only happens in response to situations that have already been made explicitly erotic.

Arousal first, desire second. The disparity between these different kinds of desire is, of course, behind a lot of relationship stresses, whence Nagoski's clinical interest. A woman can be perfectly normal and healthy and never experience spontaneous sexual desire. This leaves most women and twenty percent of men whose desire style changes based on the context — a rather large amount which does slightly throw the whole model into question. Asexuality is not addressed. It's all good stuff and it's certainly a vocabulary that more people should have at their disposal.

However, it should be noted that other models of sexual desire are available. It's also worth saying that all we are really doing here is playing semantics. Thinking about responsive desire as a thing might help people to feel better about themselves and not to feel broken — which is good, and they're not — but it doesn't really say anything about what's actually going on. What affects whether desire is spontaneous or responsive? For the life of me after reading that section several times, I couldn't work out what the difference was supposed to be. Even more than responsive desire, Nagoski is excited about something called the Dual Control Model of Arousal.

This is the idea developed by two researchers at the Kinsey Institute in the paper's here and essentially what it does is to consider libido in terms of those psychosomatic processes that gdeat sexual arousal, and in terms of those that restrain it. The SES is that part of you that constantly scans your thoughts and the world around you for sexually-relevant data; the SIS is — not inhibitions in the layman's sense, fan a necessary consideration of negative consequences of any sexual activity, whether medical, social, psychological or whatever. Conceptualising things in this way turns out to add quite a lot of nuance to how we think about arousal.

People with arousal problems differ fundamentally in where the issue lies: Similarly, sexual risk-taking like unprotected sex, cheating and so on, is sometimes correlated with low SIS and sometimes with abnormally high SES. Nagoski very sensibly suggests that a prerequisite to overcoming arousal problems is understanding one's own SES and SIS — getting familiar with what exactly it is that turns you on and turns you off, and creating contexts where the former are maximised and the latter minimised. There are lots of interesting studies that bear on these ideas in various ways. It was found, for example, that wearing socks made it easier for women to orgasm while masturbating in a brain imaging machine.